Girl Lessons
by TheLovelyNatalieRose
Summary: Two lovely girls come to Hogwarts and shake things up. Better than it sounds. Will make you die laughing. HG and RH. r&r I might change the title of the story later. Yeah, the title is weird. The mystery of Jordan is revealed in ch. 15!
1. Natalie the Dummcopf and Raquel

**A/N: Wow! I don't believe it! My first fanfic ever! Heeheehee! I'm so giddy! I don't even know the plot of this story. I just started typing a bunch of nonsense. Oh well! I guess that the pairings in this story will be HG and RH. No offense to anyone, but I like those pairings the best. They make the most sense. Raquel, if you're reading this, don't get mad at me. I don't know why you would, but for some reason you probably will. After all, I am a dummkopf!**

Disclaimer: I am just some dummkopf that will probably never own anything worthwhile.

**Girl Lessons**

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were on the Hogwarts Express bound for their seventh year.

Suddenly, there was a crash! Dun-Dun-Duuuunnnn! All four poked their heads out of the compartment to see two **EXTREMELY** pretty girls. One of the girls had long, brown hair and was crying in the arms of the other girl. The other girl had curly, black hair and a look of annoyance on her face. It was clear that she was Mexican.

Girl #2 sighed and said, "It's okay. Natalie…NATALIE!"

Girl #1 sobbed, "It's-not-fair,-Raquel! They don't even sell cheeseburgers here! What's wrong with this train!"

20 minutes later

Girls #1 and #2 were sitting in the compartment with the golden trio, plus Ginny.

"Sorry about that little outburst," laughs Girl #1. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Natalie Rose Kerr."

"And I'm Raquel Perez-Hernandez." explains Girl #2.

Hermione starts to introduce them but is cut off. "We're-"

"You're Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny! We read all about you in the Harry Potter book series!" exclaims Natalie.

Harry and Hermione looked confused and shocked, but Ron said, "That's cool. So where…wait, what?"

Hogwarts

Natalie and Raquel had just told their new friends that they were transferring from America when Dumbledore told them that they needed to be sorted.

Natalie went first. After a minute of thinking, the hat called out "Gryffindor!" The whole time Natalie had a stupid grin on her face. She eagerly skipped to the tables when a look of horror appeared on her face. She turned to where Dumbledore was sitting and asked quite stupidly, "Um, Mr. Dumbledore? Which table is the Gryffindor table?" The whole Great Hall erupted into laughter as Dumbledore smiled politely and pointed to the correct table. Natalie skipped merrily to the table and sat down as if nothing happened. Raquel shook her head and sighed wearily. She was also sorted into Gryffindor.

When the feast began, Natalie challenged Raquel, Harry, and Ron to an eating competition.

Hermione told her that no one could out-eat Ron and that she was shocked that decent girls like Natalie and Raquel would take part in such disgusting antics.

Natalie completely ignored her. She then displayed the most grotesque talent anyone ever saw at a dinner table. The contest was over, leaving the results as follows: Natalie; 1st place, Raquel; 2nd place, Ron; (amazingly) 3rd place, and poor Harry; 4th place.

Ron and Hermione were utterly shocked. (And in love, but that comes later.)

**A/N: I know that there wasn't any romance, but there will be, I promise! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I will not continue until I get at least 2 reviews. **

**I'm Natalie! **

**Dummkopf is German for dumb-head.**

**If you review, I will put your names in the next chapter.**

**I love you all, so please don't hate me! **

**-Natalie**


	2. The Fight

**A/N: Hmmm… I guess I really don't have anything to say except, please enjoy (and review)! Oh, and I know that I said that at least two people had to review for me to continue, but I felt bad that nothing good happened in the first chapter.**

Chapter 2: The Fight Scene

The newly acquainted friends had spent a lovely evening in the common room chatting merrily and laughing at Natalie for making a complete dummkopf out of herself. **(A/N: What else is new?) **I would imagine that they all went to bed at about 11. They had no classes today, so Hermione, Raquel, and Ginny were half expecting to wake up late, and half expecting to wake up early, due to the fact that Natalie was most likely going to do something really, really, REALLY stupid, like singing the "Oscar Myer Wiener" song very loudly and most annoyingly. However, Natalie is not a morning person, so she got up later than all of them combined.

At about noon, a fully dressed Natalie paraded into the common room to find all of her lovely friends chatting. Ron and Harry were playing wizard's chess.

"Wow Natalie, up at the crack of noon are we?" Raquel said sarcastically.

Natalie ignored her and sat down to watch the chess game. Ron won. What a surprise.

"Natalie would you like to play me now?" asked Ron.

"Uh…um…I…OH LOOK, IT'S A MONKEY!" and with that, Natalie jumped behind the couch.

"Natalie can't play chess to save her life," explained Raquel.

27 minutes and 16.3 seconds later

After a little coaxing, Natalie finally came out from behind the couch. Now they were just chatting.

0.2 seconds later

Ginny and Hermione got up and left the room for absolutely no reason at all. Actually, they left because I wrote this story and I made them leave. After they left, Natalie and Raquel asked Ron if he liked Hermione and Harry if he liked Ginny. They simply sighed and nodded sadly.

"Yeah, we do, but it's really hard because they don't like us," said Harry dejectedly.

"Sure they do! I know for a fact that they do," declared Natalie.

"How?"

Raquel shrugged. "Women's intuition."

"So what do we do?" asked Ron. Ron and Harry were half worried and half joyful.

"Hmmm…I know! Since you two are such dummcopfs, we could teach you how to deal with girls! Wow, I'm brilliant," said Natalie. Then, she punched Harry for no reason what so ever.

"OW! What did you do that for!" shrieked Harry.

"Nothing!" shouted Natalie. Then Raquel kicked Ron in an area that I do not wish to mention. Then Harry jumped on Natalie and tried to pull her hair out. Ron tried to strangle Raquel, but missed and strangled Harry. That caused Harry to scream like a little girl. Harry then shoved Ron out the window. Natalie and Raquel then went to the kitchen to get some ice cream. During their little ice cream quest, Harry plummeted through the window and landed on Ron. Ron shoved a paperclip up Harry's nose and Harry vomited on Ron. That caused Ron to accio his broom and fly himself and Harry to a nearby a very tall tower with a flat ledge. This particular tower was in the middle of a pit of lava.

"It's just you and me now, Lord Weasley!" cried Harry.

"Yes, Lord-seed-of Voldermort!" said Ron with a twisted smile.

"You'll pay for that!" shouted Harry as he charged. Ron dodged and Harry ran off the cliff like an idiot.

"Noooo! I loved you like a _brother_! Don't die, Harry!" yelled Ron as Harry died.

73 minutes later

Harry was just reincarnated. Yay. Except now that he has died once, he has a small bladder for some mysterious reason. He just walked out of the bathroom, when Lavender blew up.

"Good riddance," said Ron.

Raquel then rolled her eyes and said, "God, why do boys always fight? It's pointless.

Ron was flabbergasted. "But-but-but you guys started it!"

Just then, Raquel and Natalie's good friend, Jordan, ran in to the common room and gave Ron and Harry atomic wedgies! He told them that he was now a student there.

**A/N: Next chapter, the lessons begin! Review!**


	3. Lessons Begin!

**A/N: Writing is so much fun! Although, I feel pretty bad that nobody likes it so far…I need some encouragement!**

Chapter 3: Lessons Begin!

Natalie shoved Jordan out the portrait hole, but not before shoving a bomb in his arms. Actiony! Weeeeee!

And now the lessons begin!

Raquel then tied Harry and Ron to chairs and taped their eyes open.

"Was that necessary! We are willing to learn, you don't have to force us!" shouted Ron.

Natalie ignored him. "Lesson 1: All men are dummkopfs. Women are always right!"

"Lesson 2: ALWAYS agree with what they say." continued Raquel. From now on, Natalie will speak, and then Raquel.

"Lesson 3: Say stuff like 'You look nice today.' Give them compliments."

"Lesson 4: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS, EVEN IF THE OTHER GIRL IS JUST YOUR FRIEND!"

"Lesson 5: Keep your cool around them."

"Lesson 6: You must-Ah screw this. Let's have you two practice what you learned!"

30 minutes later

Natalie and Raquel had just taken some polyjuice potion that they had found in the potions classroom. It made Natalie look like Hermione and Raquel look like Ginny. Ron and Harry didn't know this though.

_Say something nice. Say something nice. _thought Harry and Ron as 'Ginny' and 'Hermione' walked in. And of all the beautiful words of poetry that could have flowed from their mouths, they yelled:

"YOU LOOK HOT HERMIONE!"

"HEY GIN, YOU'RE LOOKIN' FINE!"

They both slapped themselves. _Why do I always look like such an idiot in front of her! _They both internally screamed. Just then Jordan walked in and jumped out the window. They should have just run away, but they didn't. They fainted instead.

When they finally woke up, the polyjuice potion had worn off. Natalie and Raquel explained what happened.

"We'll never be able to ask them out," sighed Harry.

Jordan then walked in the room. It looked like he had been in a fiery explosion and had then jumped out the window.

"Natalie! Raquel! Let me help you guys!" he exclaimed. He then turned to Ron and Harry.

"What you do is: just act normal, be nice, AND DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER!"

"Wow! That's much easier to understand than what they said!" exclaimed Ron.

Raquel and Natalie were at a loss for words. _That's what we just said!_ They thought angrily.

Just then, Hermione and Ginny walked into the room. Harry and Ron walked suavely up to the object of their affections and broke down crying.

"Please go out with me Ginny! I NEED YOU! I love you so much!" cried Harry.

"Hermione! I'm such a git! I should have just gone with you to Slughorn's party, but I went with Lavender. I am SO sorry! I don't even like her! She meant nothing. The truth is; I only went out with her because Ginny said that you snogged Krum!" Hermione glared at Ginny, but she was too busy snogging Harry to notice. Ron started to continue, but was cut off. "Ron," Hermione began, "Krum meant no more to me than Lavender did to you. In fact, I would have preferred to go with YOU to the Yule Ball."

Ron was thrilled. _She likes me! I'm so thrilled. La, la, la!-wait! What do I do now?_ Hermione answered the question for him. Yes, she kissed him.

"This is not how I planned it," said Jordan. Then he blew up.

"I can't believe all of that just happened," said Raquel.

"For once in my life, I am speechless," said Natalie.

_Why couldn't I have had a more detailed romantic moment with Ginny! It's not fair. Ron and Hermione always get long, romantic moments! _thought Harry angerily.

All of a sudden there was a huge crash outside. Jordan walked in and said something so shocking that it was scary. He said-

**A/N: Yay! Cliff hanger! Yes, I know that I am evil. **

**REVIEW!**


	4. A Very Harry Halloween

**A/N: I FEEL SO LOVED! Thank you for reviewing km.hlk and fluffylover101. I want to give a special thank you to Shevonie aka Sarah aka boandpop. I am so glad you liked it! You gave me THREE reviews _and_ added me to your favorites list and alert list. So did fluffylover101, but she's my friend, so she sort of had to. Oh, and no. Of coarse this story isn't serious. I just like writing it. And even if you don't like the plot, it's still really funny. I will continue writing because of you! **

Chapter 4: A Very Harry Halloween (pun intended)

Jordan said something shocking that it was scary. He said, "Guys, it's terrible! Natalie died!"

"No she didn't. She's right over there," said Raquel.

"Oh. Never mind."

The next few weeks flew by. The only thing eventful that happened was that Harry and Ginny snogged each other in class and got detention. The exact same thing happened to Hermione and Ron. Oh, and Jordan blew up again. And Snape married a snooty woman and is now so happy that he teaches potions/dancing class. In fact, that very day he taught the class how to do the 'Boot Scoot Boogie.' Okay, I guess I lied. That week was very eventful indeed.

It was now the day of Halloween.

Natalie ran in the common room screaming. Jordan blew up from all of the excitement.

"Guys! Guess what? And no. It isn't 'chicken butt.' I just asked Dumbledore, and he said that we could go Trick or Treating in Hogsmead!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Natalie! Let's dress up as Mario and Luigi for Halloween!" said Raquel. She noticed that Ron and Ginny had confused looks on their faces, so she added, "Mario and Luigi are muggle video game characters." Ginny and Ron still had looks of confusion on their faces, but this time Raquel completely ignored them.

Later that night

Raquel, Natalie, Jordan, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were in Hogsmead. Natalie and Raquel were indeed dressed up as Luigi and Mario. Jordan was dressed up as a monkey, Harry was dressed up as a hairy (pun intended) werewolf, Ron was dressed up as a muggle doctor, and Hermione was dressed up as a witch. Actually, she didn't dress up at all. She thought that Halloween was for children. She just looked like a witch since, well, she is one. Oh, and Ginny was dressed as a hula dancer. Harry was staring at her skimpy costume all night, so Ron punched him. Harry then jinxed Ron, so Hermione hexed Harry. Pretty soon all three were badly bruised and beaten. Oh, and when you say the word 'bamboo,' it makes Ron and Harry need to use the bathroom. Hermione put that curse on them.

Now were was I before all the violence? Ah yes. Trick or Treating. Natalie and Raquel got the most candy, so for the rest of the night all that they did was ridicule Harry, Ron, and Ginny. Also, they repetitively called out the word 'bamboo,' just to torture Ron and Harry. Also, they pushed Jordan off the roof of a building. Don't ask me why or how they were up there.

Morning of Nov.1

Dumbledore's booming voice echoed through the Great Hall with such a force that it knocked the-already-severely-beaten-Jordan out of his chair. "Students! For the purpose of the comedy of this story, Hogwarts will be holding a Royal Ball." Everyone cheered. Well, everyone except for the people who were terrified of dancing, people who hated trying to find dates, people who were so tired that they were sleeping, people who weren't paying attention, and people who completely ignored Dumbledore to laugh at Jordan. So in actuality, only about 11 people cheered. Natalie and Raquel simply half-cheered. They only half-cheered because they liked going to dances, but they were scared that they might not find dates.

**A/N: Attention all boys that have read this story, ****It would be extremely appreciated if you could volunteer to be dates for Natalie and Raquel. I don't think that any of the boys from Hogwarts are good enough. So if you are handsome, nice, and intelligent, and you review saying that you would be our dates, I will write you into the story as permanent characters. So, HELP A GIRL OUT!**

**Sorry, I know that this chapter isn't as funny as the others, but I sort of had writers block. Now I don't though. **


	5. Talent Contest

**A/N: Boys! Any 2 boys who are willing to be not only Raquel and Natalie's date to the Ball, but 2 boys who want to be permanent characters in this story. Please! Help me! Pease people, please help me and review! **

Chapter 5: Talent Contest

Raquel and Natalie were in the common room pouting because they had no dates. Well actually, Raquel wasn't really pouting. She's too cool to pout. And Natalie was too busy staring off in space to really care about anything. But! Jordan was pouting.

"Why are you pouting, Jordan?" asked Natalie, although she didn't really care.

"Nobody thinks it's funny that I get hurt so frequently. I want to make people laugh!" and with that, Jordan blew up.

"I don't know why he thinks that no one laughs at him. People laugh at him all the time," said Raquel.

Ron marched in the room with Harry at his side. Then _someone_ (Natalie) called out the word 'bamboo' and made Harry and Ron have to rush off to the boys' bathroom.

"That is just too much fun!" sang Natalie. "But, I can't help but feel a little bored. Hmm… I KNOW! Let's have a talent contest!" And without anyone responding, Natalie dragged everyone to the room of requirement. Inside, they found a small, yet cozy auditorium.

"How did you know about the room of requirement, Natalie?" asked Harry.

"I read about it in the 5th Harry Potter book. Duh!"

"Oh. So when-wait! What?"

All of a sudden, Hermione walked in and drew out a light-sword-thing. She swung it at Harry and cut off all of his hair.

"Ah! My sexy hair! NoOoOoOoOo!" screamed Harry. Poor, pathetic, bald, Harry. Although he isn't very 'Harry' now.

"Ha!" laughed Hermione.

"It's on now!" said Harry as he punched Hermione.

"You can't punch a girl!" screamed Ginny as she did absolutely nothing to end the violence.

"Hello!" sang Snape as he walked in the room of requirement. Whap! Harry had just punched Snape for being so cheerful. Then he remembered that that was a good thing. "Oops." said Harry. Then Snape's snooty wife walked in and announced that she was leaving him, for obvious reasons. "Here's a dagger. You will probably have no reason to live now," said Snape's ex-wife.

"NoOoOoOoOo!" shrieked Snape. "Now I have no reason to live!" said Snape as he tried to stab himself, but missed and stabbed Jordan. Don't ask me how Snape or Jordan got there. They just did, okay?

"Ow," said Jordan.

"Let me try that again," said Snape as he held the dagger just above his chest. Then Hairless Harry screamed.

"No Snape! Don't kill yourself! I love you…FATHER!" sobbed Hairless Harry.

"Really?" said Snape as a tear of joy trickled down his greasy cheek.

"Nah, I'm just screwin' with ya!" said Hairless Harry with an evil grin.

Let's just say that now Dumbledore had to file for a new potions/dancing teacher.

"No fair! This chapter was supposed to be about my talent contest, not Snape's

relationship problems! Look at the freakin' title of the chapter! It says: Talent Contest. Is anybody even listening to me!" yelled Natalie angrily.

Everyone continued to ignore Natalie.

**A/N: Sorry that I lied about the talent contest. **

**At about the middle of typing this chapter, I got another review. Thank you SO much, sirius black and remy! Once again, I feel loved. It makes me so happy that people are laughing their heads off. **

**Again I will say: Boys! Any boys! Please review and volunteer to be Raquel and Natalie's dates! They don't want to be alone, and the dance is approaching rapidly. HELP A COUPLE OF LOVELY GIRLS OUT! As a plus, you get to be a permanent part of the story and I promise that I won't make you do anything embarrassing in the story unless you want to and I will make Natalie (me) behave herself! _PLEASE!_ I beg you!**


	6. Dateless! Right?

**A/N: I AM SO MAD! Not one boy has volunteered. I mean come on! I know that Natalie is a retard, but she and Raquel are really pretty. I'll make them behave! You get to be a main character and everything! Sigh. Oh well, your loss. Oh! Thanks for reviewing, boandpop. And to answer your question: I don't think that any of the boys at Hogwarts are cute enough…or smart enough…Oh! And I am most certainly NOT going with Jordan. I am also most certainly NOT going to make Raquel go with him. That would be punishment beyond punishment. Jordan is one of those guys that are fun to hang out with, but if they were anything more than friends, you would vomit. Please don't kill me at school, Jordan! That reminds me! The other day I was thinking about this little dilemma, and I had a great idea! I should just make Fred and George be our dates-If no one better volunteers. **

Chapter 6: Dateless! Right?

Dateless. Sigh. That is something that no girl wants to be.

"Wah! Raquel, we're dateless!" cried Natalie.

"Really?" asked Raquel sarcastically. "None of the boys at Hogwarts are good enough."

However, Ron happened to overhear them. "I know! I have two twin brothers that are only 2 years older than you guys. They're single and pretty good looking. They could take you to the dance!"

Raquel and Natalie were a little hesitant to answer him. It wasn't that Ron's brothers were complete strangers that worried them, it was that they might look and act similar to Ron that scared them.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, followed by a large boom.

"What was that?" asked Ron.

"Oh, that was just Jordan," answered Natalie.

"Is he alright?"

"Who cares! Now… about these brothers of yours… do they by any chance look like you-or act like you? 'Cause if they do, I think that we might be able to find _other _dates."

2 days later

Natalie and Raquel were depressed. Today they were to meet Ron's brothers. (Dumbledore had arranged for them to come a few days before the dance and to stay a few days after the dance.) Joy. They were depressed because they were hoping to find better dates than that. Oh well. Too bad for them! HA HA HA! Oh wait! I'm Natalie! Crap! Natalie just opened the door and kicked Jordan's…um…area. She had to let off some steam somehow…

"Why are you guys so depressed?" asked Ron.

"It is so embarrassing that our friend has to get his twin brothers to take us to the dance. We wanted to find dates on our own." answered Raquel dejectedly.

"Hermione and Ginny got their own dates!" said Natalie jealously.

"That's just because Harry is dating Ginny and I'm dating Hermione."

"Not only do they have dates, Raquel, but they also have boyfriends!" exclaimed Natalie.

"I know! Talk about unfair!" agreed Raquel.

"Hey guys! Fred and George are here!" said Ron as the twins walked in.

"How did you know that they were here right before they walked in?" asked Natalie amazed. "Are you psycho?"

George walked up to Natalie. "I think that you mean 'psychic.' However, Ron _is _psycho!" he joked.

"I'm George."

"I'm Fred" said Fred.

"I'm Raquel."

"I'm shocked!" said Natalie. "I can't believe that two people related to Ron could be this-this-this…HOT!"

"I'm just going to leave you four alone…" said Ron.

**A/N: It is official. I am going to make Fred and George Natalie and Raquel's dates. It has been at least a week, and not one boy volunteered. That is why I'm just going to go ahead with Fred and George.**


	7. The Really Long, Yet Funny, Chapter

**A/N: I have nothing to say. This is very odd. I've never been speechless before. I'm very scared. Oh yeah! I do have something to say! This will be the longest of any of my chapters. Oh! And boandpop reviewed again! YAY! Wow. I guess I really wasn't speechless after all. Hmm.**

Chapter 7: The Really Long Chapter

Ron walked out the room leaving Natalie, Raquel, Fred, and George all alone.

"So… I guess that George and I are going to be your dates…?" said Fred awkwardly.

"Not if you don't ask us." said Natalie matter-of-factly.

"WAIT! YOU IDIOTS!" exclaimed Jordan as he ran in the room. "You forgot to introduce yourselves!" He then blew up.

"Why did he blow up?" asked George.

"Don't worry. He blows up every hour or so." Natalie ran to the window. "It's alright, Jordan! We already introduced ourselves!"

"Okay! See you later!" Jordan's voice seemed to be coming from all directions.

"How did he-" George started to ask a question, but Raquel cut him off.

"No one knows how Jordan does what he does. Oh! And you didn't introduce yourself." As she said this, she turned to Natalie.

"Right! I'm Natalie. You guys are better looking than we thought you'd be. I guess that we can go with you… I call…George!"

"I call Fred!" said Raquel.

"Are you just calling Fred because I already called George? Would you rather have George?"

"No, I really do want Fred."

"Great! It's settled then! Fred, you're with Raquel, and George, you're with me."

Fred and George were (surprisingly) blushing.

"We-well-you-um-um-um!" They stuttered. "Oh no! We're starting to act like-like RON!" They then went out to find Ron. When they found him, they defenestrated him. Defenestrate means to toss out the window.

Pre-Boogie Time (Right before the ball)

Natalie, Raquel, Hermione, and Ginny walked down the stairs of the girls' dormitories to find the guys waiting for them. Unfortunately, Harry and Ron did not get a glance of their girlfriends, for Fred and George had pushed them aside to look at Natalie and Raquel. Raquel was wearing a spaghetti strap black dress that went down to her knees. Natalie was wearing a light purple flowing prom dress. She looked like she was going to a movie premier. Everyone stared at her in shock.

"What?" she asked stupidly.

"You didn't have to get THAT dressed up!" exclaimed Raquel.

"Well… I…" luckily, Natalie was saved from embarrassment by Jordan. He walked in the common room with Luna Lovegood's hand in his. Everyone was too shocked to even ask if Luna was allowed in the Gryffindor common room.

Great Hall (the REALLY funny part)

Everyone was gathered in the Great Hall. (Except the people who have a phobia of dances) The four large tables were replaced by many small round ones that could each seat about four. Everyone sat at a table. After everyone had eaten, Dumbledore waved his wand and the floor was cleared for dancing.

"Minerva? Will you dance with me?" asked Snape. Creepy-alert.

The old witch replied by smacking him. (How do you spell her name? McGonagall?)

"Wait, didn't you die in Chapter 5?" she asked.

"The author of this story reincarnated me." He answered.

Just then, I remembered how greasy his hair is. No one that has hair like that should be alive. So, I'll have to kill him in a gruesome way before this chapter is over. How fun.

Dumbledore then said, "Before we all go dance, I'd like to sing a special song. Thank you." Just then, old jazz music started to play softly. Harry pushed Dumbledore off the stag and took the mike.

"Oh my god! Please don't sing Harry!" shrieked Ginny.

"Where did the stage come from and what's a microphone?" asked Ron. Everyone ignored him and watched Harry.

"Stupid Dumbledore!" exclaimed Harry. "No one wants to hear icky jazz music! Or listen to him sing, for that matter…HIT IT!" Music started to play. Harry started to sing-which sounded like a dying animal.

_I'm going out tonight-I'm feeling all right_

_Gonna let it all hang out_

_Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice_

_Yeah, I wanna scream and shout_

_No inhibitions-make no conditions_

_Get a little out of line_

_I ain't gonna act politically correct _

_I only wanna have a good time_

_The best thing about being a woman _

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…_

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts-short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction _

_Colour my hair-do what I dare_

_Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

_The girls need a break -- tonight we're gonna take_

_The chance to get out on the town_

_We don't need romance-we only wanna dance_

_We're gonna let our hair hang down_

_The best thing about being a woman _

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…_

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts-short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction _

_Colour my hair-do what I dare_

_Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

_I get totally crazy_

_Can you feel it? _

_Come, come, come on baby_

_I feel like a woman_

Snape then died. He died because his poor, greasy ears could not take Harry's singing and had exploded, causing Snape to bleed to death.

"God, you're an awful singer, Harry!" yelled Ron as the song ended. "You made Snape die! Again! Although that's not such a bad thing."

"I'd like to see if you can do better!" Harry yelled back.

"FINE!" And with that, Ron stepped on stage and sang.

_I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love _

_Love's going to leave me _

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt _

_So sexy it hurts _

_And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan _

_New York and Japan _

_And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party _

_No way I'm disco dancing _

_I'm a model, you know what I mean _

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah _

_I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car _

_Too sexy by far _

_And I'm too sexy for my hat _

_Too sexy for my hat, what d'you think about that _

_I'm a model, you know what I mean _

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah _

_I shake my little touche on the catwalk _

_I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my _

_'Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean _

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah _

_I shake my little touche on the catwalk _

_I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat _

_Poor pussy, poor pussy cat _

_I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love _

_Love's going to leave me _

_And I'm too sexy for this song_

Ron's voice was very beautiful. The people in the Great Hall would have been crying from his wonderful voice if they weren't too busy having hysterical fits of laughter. Poor Ron.

"Ginny, we need new boyfriends," said Hermione.

"I agree. They are way too embarrassing," said Ginny.

23 minutes later

After much medical attention, Harry and Ron had calmed down and everyone was actually ready to dance. Yay.

**A/N: I apologize for making this chapter so long. I also apologize for not updating sooner. I was too lazy-I MEAN BUSY! Yes, I was too busy… Oh! Andthanks for reviewing, ChocoholicMonkeyfish. Your review made me feel good. I like your story, 'Halloween Havoc' by the way.**


	8. Boogie Woogie at Last

**A/N: Hi peoples! I love all of my faithful readers. You make my world go 'round! Ok, now I am sounding a little drunk… This chapter will probably be another long one. But, it's only long because of the songs I put in. These will be some of my favorite songs. They are by my favorite band, Sugarland. If you've heard them, you know how great they are. I encourage you to listen to them. Oh, and I didn't mean to offend anyone by calling jazz music icky. I don't think it is, but Harry does. If I offend anyone in any way, please do not hesitate to review saying I'm a "fishslapper" or a "dummkopf" or something like that. Now, enough of my boring rambling, and on with chapter 8! XD**

Chapter 8: Boogie Woogie at Last

Now everyone was ready to have a romantic night filled with dancing, fun, and maybe some good, clean snogging. That's always fun! Too bad I haven't ever kissed a boy, much less made out with one…But enough of my pathetic lack of a love life!

Unfortunately, Dumbledore didn't get any music what so ever. (He had planned on himself being the musical entertainment, but he was pushed off the mysterious stage that appeared out of nowhere.)

So, Natalie decided that she would have to provide the musical entertainment. With a swift motion, she pulled out her awesome flip phone that had blue flames painted on it, flipped it open, and pushed a big, purple button. As soon as she did said actions, a muggle band appeared on the stage and started setting up their equipment to get ready to play. The band was called Sugarland.

"Natalie. Since when do you have a cell phone that gives you 24-hour-access to your favorite band? And that's another thing! They are muggles! Won't they start freaking out when they realize that magic exists?" said Raquel angrily.

"Nope. I'm _Natalie_. As in, 'the girl based off of the author of this story.' I can do, say, and/or have anything I want! Duh!" replied Natalie as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then the band began to play.

_They say this town,_

_The stars stay up all night,_

_Don't know can't see'em,_

_For the glow of the neon lights._

_And it's a long way from here,_

_To the place where the home fires burn,_

_Well it's 2,000 miles and one left turn._

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Please send money,_

_I'm so broke that it ain't funny._

_I don't need much just enough to get me through._

_Please don't worry 'cause I'm alright._

_(I'm playin at the bar tonight)_

_This time I'm gonna make our dreams come true..._

_Well I love you more than anything in the world._

_Love,_

_Your Baby Girl_

_Black top blue sky,_

_big town full of little white lies,_

_Everybody's your friend you can never be sure._

_They'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings,_

_All sorts of shiny things._

_Girl, you'll remember what your knees are for._

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Please send money,_

_I'm so broke that it ain't funny._

_I don't need much just enough to get me through._

_Please don't worry 'cause I'm alright._

_(I'm playin at the bar tonight)_

_This time I'm gonna make our dreams come true..._

_Well I love you more than anything in the world._

_Love,_

_Your Baby Girl_

Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny looked around. Raquel and Fred were dancing to the beautiful music. They looked at Natalie. She and George were dancing way slower than the music was going. Ahhh. ;D Oh my god. That was romantic! Not Funny! What if I'm losing my touch?

_I know that I'm on my way,_

_When I can tell every time I play._

_And I know it's worth all the dues I pay,_

_When I can write to you and say..._

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I'll send money. I'm so rich that it ain't funny._

_Well it oughtta be more then enough to get you through._

_Please don't worry cause I'm alright,_

_I'm stayin here at the Ritz tonight,_

_Whatta ya know we made our dreams come true!_

_And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,_

_But you know that they don't mean a thing,_

_Well they all add up to nothin compared to you,_

_Well, remember me in ribbons and curls..._

_I still love you more than anything in the world_

_Love,_

_Your Baby Girl_

_(Your baby girl... _

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Please send money,_

_I'm so broke that it ain't funny,_

_don't need much just enough to get me through,_

_Please don't worry cause I'm alright,_

_I'm playin here at the bar tonight..._

_Dreams come true...)_

Natalie and George were practically attached to each other by now. The situation wasn't much different for Raquel and Fred. And guess who was in the corner snogging Luna? It was none other than her date, Jordan. Okay then…I can't believe I just used 'snogging' and 'Luna' and 'Jordan' and 'the' in the same paragraph. Eww! Sugarland started a new song.

_Monday, hard to wake up _

_Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door _

_Yeah, the freeway's standing still today _

_It's gonna make me late, and that's for sure _

_I'm running out of gas and out of time _

_Never gonna make it there by nine_

Harry and Ron asked the girls to dance. Pretty soon, the couples were in the same condition as Natalie and George: they were dancing slower than the music and were practically attached to each other. Ah, love. I wish I had it. Oh well. In my story I do have love:D

_There's gotta be something more _

_Gotta be more than this _

_I need a little less hard time _

_I need a little more bliss _

_I'm gonna take my chances _

_Taking a chance I might _

_Find what I'm looking for _

_There's gotta be something more _

_Five years and there's no doubt _

_That I'm burnt out, I've had enough _

_So now boss man, here's my two weeks _

_I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up _

_I could work my life away, but why? _

_I got things to do before die _

Natalie led George out of the Great Hall. Oooo! Go Natalie-er-actually, GO ME!

_There's gotta be something more _

_Gotta be more than this _

_I need a little less hard time _

_I need a little more bliss _

_I'm gonna take my chances _

_Taking a chance I might _

_Find what I'm looking for _

_There's gotta be something more _

Harry and Ron leaned in to kiss their dates, but they slapped them! Ok, so that really didn't happen, but it would have been funny if it did!

_Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate _

_I believe that happiness is something we create _

_You best belive that I'm not gonna wait _

_'Cause there's gotta be something more _

_I get home 7:30 the house is dirty, but it can wait_

_Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime _

_To drink some red wine and celebrate _

_Armageddon could be knocking at my door _

_but I ain't gonna answer thats for sure. _

_There's gotta be something more!_

Jordan and Luna were on the floor, covering there ears and humming insanely. Natalie and George walked in.

"What are they doing?" asked Ginny.

"Oh. Don't pay attention to Jordan. He just hates country music. Sugarland is a country and western band," answered Natalie.

"Too…much…country!" said Jordan. He then screamed like a little girl and ran away.

"Oh. Why is Luna doing it then?" asked Ginny.

"I saw my sweet Jordie-Wordie doing it, so I thought that it must be pretty fun," said Luna.

"Jordie-Wordie?" asked Raquel. Luna ignored her.

"Sweet?" said Natalie like there was no possible way that Jordan could be sweet. There really isn't, you know. Then there was a large boom. Jordan blew up again. Luna then blew up too.

"Copy-cat!" called Jordan, who was currently in the realm that one goes to when they blow up.

Natalie and George snuck out of the room. No one would have noticed if Natalie hadn't of tripped, causing her to knock down a really tall shelf of priceless, irreparable, and highly breakable items. All of the priceless, irreparable, and highly breakable items shattered. One of them was made of glass, and an extra extremely sharp piece flew towards Jordan, who had recently returned from the realm that one goes to when they blow up.

"Did anyone get hurt when the really tall shelf of priceless, irreparable, and highly breakable items was knocked down?" asked McGonagall. As a teacher, she was deeply concerned for her students well being. But mainly, she didn't want any of the students' parents suing her. She was a teacher after all, and teachers don't make much money. "I told Dumbledore not to put that really tall shelf of priceless, irreparable, and highly breakable items in the same room with thousands of careless, hormonally-challenged teenagers!"

"It's alright! No one got hurt, Professor!" yelled some careless, hormonally-challenged teenager.

"I beg to differ!" said Jordan, who was in immense pain from the extra extremely sharp piece of glass that had pierced his stomach.

"Shut up, Jordan! I'm trying to calculate how much it will cost to repair these priceless, irreparable, and highly breakable items! Take some Advil or something!" yelled the really old witch.

48 minutes and 27.3 seconds later

Raquel, Fred, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Luna, and the-already-cured Jordan stepped into the corridor. The dance/ball/incident was over. They were met by an unnerving scene. Natalie and George were snogging each other senseless. Yippee! Ha, ha! Fun! XD

"Either get a room or stop making out!" yelled Harry. They broke apart.

"We weren't making out!" said Natalie indignantly. Everyone stared disbelievingly. "George had something stuck in his throat, and I was simply dislodging it with my tongue!" she said innocently.

Then Raquel started snogging Fred. Pretty soon, it was a huge snog-fest! Then Filch caught them and sent them to their dorms saying, "You jolly youngsters need at least 8 hours of sleep! I'll see you in the morning, my darlings!"

"Two things are like really wrong with this picture. For one thing, Filch normally would have given us three months worth of detention! Also, since when are we his 'darlings'?" said Hermione.

"It must be that Spring-fever that's made him lighten up!" declared Natalie.

"But Spring is months away-Ah who cares! Lets just enjoy the new, kind Filch!" said George.

Hermione then yelled, "What are you guys talking about! Oh! And this is like the first time I've spoken in like 2 chapters! What's with this crappy author? I mean I-"

**A/N: God! Shut up Hermione! I have to end the chapter! You would think that-**

"Don't cut me off! I'm Hermione Granger! I am the smartest witch in this whole school! Show some respect! I am smarter than you!" she said. She then turned around and faced the others. "We don't have to live by this crazy author's rules! We can end this story any way we want! We can create our own destiny!"

**A/N: You may be smart, but I'm smarter! You are not in control! I am! You better watch your tongue, _little girl_. You think that you deserve respect! I deserve it more than you! I can make anything happen in this world! **

Just then, a knife flew from the sky and pierced Hermione's stomach.

3 seconds later

Hermione was brought back to life.

**A/N: I chose to bring you back to life because I want to torture you. But, if there is any more sass, then you die for real. Got it?**

"Yes, ma'am," Hermione replied quietly.

**A/N: Okay. Sorry about that little annoyance, guys. Sorry these last two chapters were so long. Thanks for reviewing, Amada Amador. I wish more people would review. It certainly would make me feel better. Oh, and ChocoholicMonkeyfish reviewed again. You can expect me to update sometime in the next week. **

**WOAH! THIS CHAPTERWAS AWSOME! **


	9. Memory Lane

**A/N: I saw the new Harry Potter movie! Yay! Don't worry. I won't spoil the surprise. I need more reviews! Is that too much to ask? I even accept…gulp criticism. If you see anything that you think needs to be absolutely changed, then don't hesitate. This is really hard for me to write, you know. I'm starting to lose confidence in this story, but I'm having too much fun writing it to delete it. Just to let you guys know, I have always accepted anonymous reviews. It's 12:31 A.M. Wooo!**

Chapter 9: Memory Lane

Natalie, Raquel, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, and Jordan were in the common room. They were very bored. Natalie's spirits had dropped considerably when Fred and George left. She knew that George would have to leave after the ball, but darn it! He was her boyfriend! She missed him! Raquel didn't seem as concerned that her boyfriend, Fred, had left. It was just pathetic Natalie. To fight the boredom, Jordan suggested that they played darts.

"Jordan. Don't you remember what happened _last time_?" said Raquel wearily.

Flashback (1 year ago)

_Natalie, Raquel, and Jordan were at an arcade. _

"_Let's play darts!" suggested Natalie._

_Raquel and Jordan had agreed. Raquel had managed to get a dart in the center of the board, but it wasn't a perfect bull's eye. Now it was Natalie's turn. She didn't even get a dart on the board. _

"_Jordan? Can you go collect the darts for me?" she asked. As Jordan was collecting the darts, she realized that she had dropped a dart at her feet. When she picked it up, she knew what she had to do. She carefully aimed at her target. Sweat trickled down her face. She licked her lips. She only had one chance. It was 1 to a million that she hit her target dead center, but she knew that she couldn't give up. She pulled the dart back, carefully locking her eyes on the target. Her gaze was unblinking. In one swift movement, she hurled the dart forward. The dart zoomed toward the target. Natalie remained in the same position as when she let go of the dart. Was it going to hit the target? Yes. Yes! YES! _

"_AHHH! MY EYE!" screamed Jordan as he tried to pull the dart from his eye._

_No. _

"_OH MY GOD! Natalie! How could you hit Jordan's eye? He was standing 5 feet away from the board!" shrieked Raquel. _

"_Darn it. I was aiming for his forehead," said Natalie._

End of Flashback

"No. I don't remember at all," said Jordan.

"Great then! Let's play!" said Natalie happily.

12 minutes later

Harry ran in screaming. "Guys! I just realized! I-Wait. Why does Jordan have a dart in his eye?"

"Every time! It happens every time! Why can't I hit his forehead? What am I doing wrong?" said Natalie angrily.

"You're not doing it right because you don't believe you can. If you believe hard enough, anything can happen. If you remember this, all of your dreams will come true," said a mysterious voice that came from nowhere.

"Wow. I never thought of it like that," said Natalie, who was no longer angry.

Harry just stood there. Finally, he remembered why he came in there. "Guys! It's terrible! I just remembered that I wasn't supposed to come to school this year! I was supposed to go after Voldermort! I'm so stupid! Now who will save the world?" said Harry.

"Moldybut? It will be easy to kill him," said Natalie. "All we have to do to kill him is-"

**A/N: Wooo! Cliffhanger! **

**Thanks for reviewing, Sugarquill824. I really need more reviews!**


	10. The Stupid, yet Brilliant Idea

**A/N: Yes, I know. I haven't updated in a while. Sorry. Hope this chapter's funny. Thank you Audre, and thank you eaglebabe45. You know, for reviewing. **

Chapter 10: The Stupid, yet Brilliant Idea

"All you have to do to beat Voldermort is-" Natalie stopped speaking and stood up. She then walked into the girl's bathroom. All the others started to get annoyed.

13 minutes later

"Sorry I took so long. I was making soap bubbles. Hee, hee! That was a lot of fun," said Natalie apologetically.

"Now all you have to do to beat Moldybutt is get Harry to sing for him. Duh."

"That's absurd!" said Hermione. "This isn't one of your silly games, you know, Natalie! This is war!"

"She's right! My singing is so good that it would just make him stronger!" said Harry pompously.

"Harry. Your singing sucks. Anyway, I agree with Hermione. That plan is… actually, that just might work! That's brilliant!" said Ginny.

"Yeah!" agreed Ron.

"It's stupid, but good," said Raquel.

"I am surrounded by idiots," said Hermione.

"I know the perfect song for Harry to sing!" said Natalie excitedly. "He can sing 'Redneck Woman'! This is great!"

Voldermort walked into the room huffing. He was very fat.

"Whoa! You're like, really fat!" said Natalie. "Hey, what are you doing here, and how did you get in?"

"I realized that Harry wasn't going after me. He completely ignored me! I mean, he was supposed to skip this school year and come after me! Hello! If he doesn't destroy me, I'll kill everyone in sight! Oh, and as for getting here, let's just say I have my ways," said Voldermort.

"…Why are you fat?" asked Harry.

Voldermort broke down crying. "I ate too many creampuffs! Is it really that noticeable? Geez, you don't have to be so MEAN! Now I'll _never_ impress Betty, the girl of my slightly disturbing dreams! After all, she only goes for skinny guys!"

"…" said Ron.

"…" said Harry.

"…" said Hermione.

"Oh you poor thing!" cried Jordan.

"…Here are the lyrics to the song, Harry," said Natalie.

Harry started to sing.

_Well, I ain't never been the Barbie doll type  
No, I can't swig that sweet Champagne, I'd rather drink beer all night  
In a tavern or in a honky tonk or on a four-wheel drive tailgate  
I've got posters on my wall of Skynyrd, Kid and Strait  
Some people look down on me, but I don't give a rip  
I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip  
'cause I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey ya'll' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah  
Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice  
But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price  
And still look sexy, just as sexy as those models on TV  
I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me  
Well, you might think I'm trashy, a little too hardcore  
But in my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door  
I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah  
I'm a redneck woman  
I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raising  
I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'  
And I keep my Christmas lights on  
On my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every ol' Bocephus song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah  
Hell yeah, hell yeah  
Hell yeah  
I said hell yeah!_

Luckily, the plan worked. By the time Harry was finished singing, Voldermort was dead. Yes, Harry's singing is that horrible.

"OH MY GOD! I killed him! Quick! Hide the body! Before the cops come!" screamed Harry.

"…Uh…Harry? I don't think that-" started Hermione.

Harry walked up to Hermione and slapped her face. "This isn't a game Hermione! I KILLED HIM! I'm a teenager! I'm old enough to be sent to prison! Okay. Gotta calm down. No one will ever know! Ha, ha, ha! If any of you EVER tell someone about this, I'll KILL you! I KILL YOU ALL!" And with that, Harry jumped out the window.

"…Don't worry. He gets like this occasionally. He'll be sober by morning." Said Ginny.

They never guessed what would happen next.

**A/N: You like? Oh, and by the way, I, Natalie Rose, have never ever had help writing this story. I have had a few suggestions from my friends and all, but I do all the writing. Oh, and I liked your suggestion, eaglebabe45, but it was too late to put it in the story.**

**Sorry it took me so long to write it. I have no excuse what so ever. You may throw rocks at me.**


	11. The Funeral

**A/N: I haven't got one review for Ch. 10 and that hurts. That hurts. No one has even read it! Wah! Oh well. On with Ch. 11:(**

_No one ever guessed what would happen next._

Chapter 11: The Funeral

Three days ago Voldermort was killed. Harry seemed a lot happier now that he didn't have to worry about that huge war. In fact, everyone was a little happier. That is, until one day… (Dun-Dun-Duuuunnnn)

Natalie came running into the room screaming. "Guys! It's TERRIBLE! Jordan died!"

"So?" asked Raquel.

"You don't understand! He…He's not coming back this time! McGonagall says that there's no way he can be reincarnated!" exclaimed Natalie.

"Gasp!" gasped everyone.

"Oh no! My sweet Jordie-Wordie! HE'S DEAD!" shrieked Luna. She ran out of the common room crying.

"What the bloody hell is she doing in here?" asked Ron.

"Ron! You are so insensitive! Our friend just died!" sobbed Hermione.

Everyone cried for quite a while.

"N-Natalie? Where's the b–b-body?" asked a tearful Harry.

"Body? What bo – I mean Jordan's body is right over there," said Natalie as she pointed to the big bow in the center of the room. "His corpse is in there."

"How did we not notice that?" asked Ginny.

"Well, I guess that we had better plan out his funeral," said Natalie.

1 hour later

They were all dressed in black and were standing under Jordan's favorite tree. They decided it would be best to bury him there. It was Harry's turn to say a few words.

"He was such a good friend. Always making me laugh with his constant pain and suffering. I mean, he was always getting hurt and he would _always _come back, but now… OH GINNY! IT ISN'T FAIR! It isn't fair." He whimpered the last part and buried his head in Ginny's shoulder.

Suddenly, the bow creaked open and out stepped Jordan!

"AHH! ZOMBIE! **DIE ZOMBIE!**" screamed Ron as he tried to hit Jordan.

"I'M NOT DEAD! All I can remember is that… NATALIE! Why the heck did you hit me with a shovel and stuff me into this box?" yelled Jordan.

Natalie shrugged. "I was bored. You know, I think I hit you too hard. It knocked all the stupid out of you. Here let me fix that." Natalie took the shovel and hit Jordan.

Jordan smiled that stupid smile of his and yelled, "HIPPOS! WOOO!" he then proceeded to run around like an idiot.

"That's the old Jordan," said Natalie.

"Natalie, I am so mad! I could have been studying all this time!" yelled Hermione.

Everyone ignored Hermione. Except Ron, he did the opposite of ignoring her. (Get your mind out of the gutter, readers. All he did was talk to her, mostly about quidditch.)

**A/N: Mmm. I'm drinkin' hot chocolate. **

**I didn't even get one review. (cries)**


	12. Raquel's Betryal

**A/N: HIP HIP HURRAY! I HAVE ENOUGH REVIEWS! YIPEE! Sooo… without farther delay…HERE'S CH. 12!**

Chapter 12: Raquel's Betrayal (Dun Dun Duuuunnnn)

It was a dark and stormy night at Hogwarts. Thunder boomed in the distance. The group of people that this story revolves around, minus Raquel, was in the Great Hall eating dinner. Natalie, of course, was stuffing her face.

"I can't believe it. Raquel is actually dating _him_!" said Hermione.

When Hermione referred to _him_, she meant Malfoy. Yep. That's right. Malfoy. I better give you guys a flashback…or something.

**Flashback (earlier today)**

Natalie, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Jordan were walking down the corridor when they saw Raquel making out with Malfoy. Wait…WHAT THE (insert swear word of your choice) IS GOING ON!

For a moment everyone was silent.

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE CHEATING ON FRED!" shrieked Natalie.

"Raquel! How could you betray us?" sobbed Ginny.

"Chill out. I'm mad at Fred right now, so I want to make him jealous," explained Raquel. "You see… Last weekend when we were in Hogsmead…

**Flashback within Flashback (last weekend) **

"Wow! That must be Fred and George's joke shop! Let's go in and snog–er–I mean 'say hello' to them!" said Natalie.

This was a Hogsmead weekend. Natalie, Raquel, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Jordan were walking around the town when they saw the twins' store. **(A/N: I'm getting tired of writing out all of their names, so they will now be known as "The Congregation of Amigos" so don't expect me to write out that many names again!)** So, they went in.

Inside, a girl about 19 years old was at the counter, paying for whatever it was she bought. George wasn't there. He was probably in the basement or something. Fred was about to give the girl her change, when Raquel marched up angrily and slapped Fred.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" exclaimed Fred.

"I leave you alone for about two weeks, and what do you do? YOU TALK TO ANOTHER GIRL! THAT'S WHAT YOU DO!" screamed Raquel.

"She was just paying me for whatever it is she bought! I'm not cheating on you!" yelled Fred.

"Sure, Fred, sure," said Raquel sarcastically. "WE'RE THROUGH!"

"What! No! I need you!" sobbed Fred.

"Goodbye!" snapped Raquel as she walked out.

George popped out of the door that led to the store's basement. "Hey guys! I just saw the coolest bug in the basement and–Hey! What's going on here? Why is Fred crying and sucking his thumb?"

**End of Flashback within Flashback**

"Oh yeah! I remember that! How could we forget that?" asked Ginny.

"Anyway, I started dating Malfoy after we got back," said Raquel.

"That's just weird," said Natalie.

Jordan then broke down crying.

"What's wrong Jordan?" asked Harry.

"I can't see my forehead!" sobbed Jordan.

"Sure you can!" said Ron. "All you have to do is look in a mirror!"

"You mean that thing in the bathroom?" asked Jordan.

"Yeah!" said Ron.

"Oh! So _that's _what that thing is! I thought it was a window into another dimension," said Jordan happily.

Jordan started crying again. "I thought that the person in the mirror was my friend! I named him Oswald!" he sobbed. "And to think that I gave him a goodbye hug that one time!"

Everyone began to back away from Jordan.

**End of Flashback**

"That was weird," said Hermione.

Just then, Dumbledore started to make an announcement.

**A/N: Will Raquel get back with Fred? What was Dumbledore going to announce? Will Jordan ever get over the loss of Oswald? Will I get any reviews? Read and find out. **

**Thanks for reviewing Riddikulus3000, boandpop, kelli, serina, and chuck.**

**When I snap my fingers, **

**You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. ****You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. You will review. **

**snap**


	13. Wow, that didn't last long

**A/N: Hi everybody! How's it going? Golly gee wiz! I sure am excited about Christmas! Okay, that was strange. Yeah…just read the story please. Oh, and about the title of this chapter…It isn't capitalized because it's a sentence…sort of…Oh, and when you say it out loud, say it like an annoying sports caster guy. It makes the title seem funnier. **

Chapter 13: Wow, that didn't last long.

"I have an announcement to make!" cried Dumbledore. "Cue the dramatic music," he whispered to McGonagall. "Students! I have decided to throw a Christmas Ba-I mean _Holiday _Ball tonight," he said as he remembered that several people in the school were Jewish and did not celebrate Christmas.

"Didn't we just have a ball?" asked Harry.

Dumbledore's eyes got all shifty and suspicious looking. "Uh…No we didn't?"

"Yeah, we did," said Harry.

"Uh… DON'T QUESTION YOUR HEADMASTER!" he yelled. "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"

"But Professor-"

"Geez Harry! Could you lay off just this once? I'm sick and tired of you! You do not know how hard it is to be around you all the time! 'Dumbledore! My mommy is dead, my daddy is dead, Sirius is dead, WAAAHHH! I'm gonna die too!' I can only imagine what your poor friends endure! I mean, I only see you a few times a day, and they see you nearly every waking moment! That must be awful!" screamed Dumbledore.

Harry was silent as everyone stared at Dumbledore. Everyone was utterly shocked.

That very night

Everyone was busy getting ready for the dance. Unfortunately, most of the students didn't have dates or anything to wear because the dance came up on such short notice. Natalie didn't have a date since George couldn't come that night. Poor me.

The Congregation of Amigos was walking down the corridor, heading toward the dance. Natalie shuddered as she asked if Raquel's date to the dance was Malfoy.

"No, I don't have a date. Fred couldn't make it on such short notice," she said.

"You're already back with Fred?" asked Ginny.

"Of course!" said Raquel.

"Wow, that didn't last long," said Jordan in an annoying sports caster guy voice.

"I got back together with Fred because he is a much better kisser than Malfoy," said Raquel simply.

At the ball

Everyone ate, drank, socialized, and danced. Then, some more stuff happened and everyone went to their dorms and talked and slept.

In the Gryffindor Common Room

The Congregation of Amigos was talking.

"Wow! I can't believe that all of that actually happened!" exclaimed Natalie.

"I will never look at Seamus the same way ever again!" said Ron.

"I know! And what Dean did next…I'll never stop laughing about _that_!" said Ginny.

"I think we all can agree that tonight was truly a bizarre, yet hilarious night!" said Hermione.

"After all the crazy stuff that happened at the ball tonight, I'm pretty tired," said Harry. "I think that I'll turn in early."

"Me too," said Raquel.

"Me three," said Ron.

"Me four," said Ginny.

"Me five," said Hermione.

"Me six," said Natalie.

"What comes after six?" asked Jordan.

"Seven," said Hermione.

"Oh… Me seven," said Jordan.

Then Jordan blew up.

**A/N: Oops. I guess that there isn't much action in this chapter. I haven't typed any good action lately. Huh. **


	14. The Great Hunt

**A/N: Think of this as my Christmas present to you. Two chapters in one day. You know what I'd like for Christmas? (cough that sounds suspiciously like 'reviews')**

Chapter 14: The Great Hunt

It was just an average Saturday in Hogwarts, when The Congregation of Amigos awoke to find a terrifying sight. It appeared as though all of their clothes had huge gaping holes in them. They wondered what could cause it. None of them knew, well, except Natalie.

Her eyes narrowed as she said, "Moths." She said this with an I-loath-these-vile-creatures tone of voice.

They all hurried to the Common Room to find that a swarm of moths were flying every which way.

"EWW! How did these disgusting creatures get in here?" asked Ginny.

"I'll go ask Dumbledore if he can help us," said Harry.

15 minutes later

Harry ran in the room crying.

"Dumbledore won't help us! He called me an annoying busy body with no life! He also said that I was pathetic!" he cried.

"Great! How are we supposed to get them out now!" whimpered Ron.

"Hey where's Natalie?" asked Raquel.

"Right here," said Natalie.

They all turned to see her in safari clothes. She held a butterfly net and a box. She gave the box to Raquel.

"Raquel, cover me. I'm going in," she said. Wow, this was the most serious that Natalie had ever been.

Natalie took a deep breath. "Ah. Smell that? It's the stench of a great hunt. It has been many moons since I last hunted the moth menace." Okay, so maybe she wasn't acting that serious.

"So let me get this straight. You're going to catch every moth with a butterfly net," said Ginny. Natalie nodded. "You're crazy then! Why don't you just use a fly swatter?"

"Too messy. I'll kill them clean and efficiently," replied Natalie.

Raquel looked in the box. It contained several plastic containers and several bottles of fingernail polish remover. They all watched as the moths zoomed left and right to avoid Natalie's net. However, she was too quick. She easily caught several moths in one strike. The moths tried to escape from the net, but couldn't. Natalie already had a grip on the net, keeping them trapped at the tip of it.

She then yelled, "Raquel! Toss me a container, now!"

Raquel tossed it to her and she caught it easily. With one swift motion, she took her hand off the end of the net and released the moths. The moths were ecstatic over their release from the net, but were horrified when they realized that they were being released into a plastic container. Once all of the moths were trapped in the container, Natalie pored some fingernail polish remover in.

"The smell of the fingernail polish remover poisons them," explained Natalie.

She kept this process up for a few hours. It was monotonous work, but she seemed to be enjoying it. She had finally caught and killed all of the moths.

"It was fun while it lasted," she sighed. "Ah well. Now, to dispose of the bodies."

She dumped all of the dead moths into a big sack and dumped it in the garbage.

That was the end of the great moth hunt.

All of a sudden, she punched Jordan. He didn't seem to notice. After a few moments, he screamed in pain. "OWW!"

"Give me a cheeseburger!" screamed Natalie.

"But I don't have one!" sobbed Jordan.

"I WANT IT NOW!"

"Why don't you just go to the kitchen and ask for one?" suggested Ron.

"NO! She can't! If she does, then she'll be making those poor house elves work even harder!" screamed Hermione.

Natalie glared at her and roared. "I WANT A CHEESEBURGER NOW!" she screamed. Then she threw an awful temper tantrum.

**A/N: Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review!**


	15. Psychochoreoanemodys Combustion Disorder

**A/N: This is going to be a long A/N. **

**Kim: Thanks! Glad you like it!**

**grinttastic: Of course I can imagine such a look. I get one like that all the time.**

**baka-neko-1417: Thanks for reviewing!**

**gerard way is hott: I will keep writing I will! **

**TheEndlessSnow: I'm so glad you liked that part! It's one of my favorites! Don't worry about the whole never-snogged-someone situation. Your time will come! I hope mine does. I love the clucking pickle bit! **

**Kat Orona: Yes, I celebrate Christmas, and don't worry, because I will write more! **

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz: That wasn't very nice! Silly, of course I'm lovely! In my own way…**

**Martin: Glad ya like it, although I regret to say that you're a little late to be their dates…**

**R.K.R.: THANK YOU SO MUCH:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D **

**ladyBlue Wolf: Yes, I do have issues. Although I'm not sure if you like the story or not…**

**Christipotter: I am so glad that you love it! **

**MyPreciousss188: Thanks for the long review! I'm surprised that my story is this good too! I want to change my summary, but I can't think of a good way to put it. It is an awesome word! It's my favorite word. I probably will put Snape back. **

**mizlovegood: They are dreamboats! I love them. Fred and George that is, not Malfoy. He's like a troll compared to George. No offense. Oh, and thanks for reviewing for ch. 14. Do you like to hunt moths too? You said that it sounds like you. **

**Nutmeggedya: Thanks for all the reviews! I like that part too. When I read it to Jordan, he thought it was weird. **

**OrchDork18: Yes, it is quite an interesting story.**

**Wow. That took nearly half an hour. I appreciate all the reviews. This is the most I've ever gotten! 22 reviews! Oh, and as you may know, I got my first flame. I always thought that a flame was just a bunch of annoying criticism, but I was wrong! Red Reviewer really came down hard on me. They said that my story was really stupid, annoying, and painful to read. This person actually left 2 flames! They said that I can't write at all and that they can tell why no one likes it. They're obviously wrong there! Oh well. It hurt a little at first, but now I am thrilled! After all, I've heard that a story isn't good until it has a flame or two! ;)**

Chapter 15: Psychochoreoanemodys Combustion Disorder

Hello friends. For this chapter, I have decided to share with you some very important, yet terrible findings of mine. The mystery of Jordan is finally revealed.

You see, Jordan has a very rare disease. This disease is known as Psychochoreoanemodys Combustion Disorder (or "PCD" for short). PCD is a very dangerous, serious, and painful condition. It is the reason why Jordan explodes every hour or so. Most people are very ignorant about this condition, yet nearly seven people suffer from it in every century. No cure has been found for it yet. You see, most scientists focus on finding cures for more common diseases, such as the common cold, the flu, cancer, AIDS, butt cramps, obesity, hiccup syndrome, ugliness, weirdness, craziness, meanness, snobbishness, laziness, and stupidity (the fools are wasting their time, everyone knows that stupidity can't be cured and that most people are just born stupid, none of you are stupid though!). Because of this, no one even realizes how devastating PCD can be.

I will try to explain to the best of my ability how PCD works. You cannot obtain PCD, for you are born with it. Jordan is one of those unfortunate few. When Jordan was born, special glands developed in his stomach. Every time he eats something, the special glands absorb all of the sugar and caffeine from the food. There is a special chemical in the glands known as glucophagogastero acid. This acid somehow magnifies the intensity of the sugar and/or caffeine. After the intensity of the sugar and/or caffeine builds up enough, enormous pressure is put on the body. Once the pressure reaches its maximum height, the body can no longer hold the pressure and explodes. However, once the chemicals are exposed to the hydrogen in the air, a chemical reaction takes place. The chemicals make a kind of black smoke, giving the appearance that Jordan was blown up by a bomb. If you look closely at Jordan just before he explodes, then you will see that he is shaking rapidly from all of the pressure.

It is still unknown how Jordan is reincarnated, but there are theories. One theory is that Jordan is like the Terminator, and all of his parts are drawn together and he is put back together piece by piece. That is the scientific theory. The spiritual theory is that Jordan's soul is sent to a special realm and passes through a portal to the real world. Both theories basically suck. However, they are (sadly) the best explanations that we have.

Because of this condition, people with PCD can't have a normal life. Jordan is very lucky that he has any friends at all, for most people try to stay as far away from him as they can, seeing how they nearly have a heart attack every time he explodes. It is very stressful for most people to have to deal with the constant explosions of someone with PCD. That is why most people that have PCD are isolated from society. Not even leper colonies will accept them. Also, it is impossible for people with PCD to get a real job. After all, most people that have PCD don't have very good social skills.

The explosions caused by PCD are not only emotionally painful for the people who have the disease, but they are also physically painful. Our sources have conformed that the explosions feel like getting blown up by a bomb. Although, I would think that is pretty obvious… Anyway, all of the pain and suffering caused by Psychochoreoanemodys Combustion Disorder MUST be put to a stop! That is why it would mean the world to Jordan if you could just donate a little money. If you would like to donate money, then donate it to JAPA. JAPA is the only organization in the world that tries to find the cure for PCD. JAPA was founded by Harry Potter. Mr. Potter is a man with a dream. He once told the press, "Look… I just founded this organization so that I can get some sleep at night. Jordan is one of my roommates, and his explosions are constantly waking me up in the middle of the night." Mr. Potter is truly a great man. Oh, and if your wondering, JAPA stands for "Just A Penny Away!" Remember: Finding the cure for PCD could be just a penny away! (Although it would be awesome if some of you could donate like, a trillion dollars or so!)

Interview with Jordan

Me: So, Jordan, How does it feel to be an isolated freak with a disease of constant pain and suffering?

The Isolated Freak Known as Jordan: You get used to it.

Me: Uh-huh. So, you are an _optimistic_ isolated freak?

The Isolated Freak Known as Jordan: Stop calling me that! Don't I suffer enough?

Me: But it's so funny when you're in pain!

Jordan: That's better. Anyway, the disease really downs my social status. For some reason, people are always referring to me as a freak! I've never had a real relationship with someone.

Me: What about Luna?

Jordan: Well, she was annoying me, and so I thought that if I were to go out with her, I might be able to somehow transfer my PCD to her…But then I read your paper about PCD, and all of my hopes were dashed.

Me: Where do you go after you explode?

Jordan: That information is classified.

Me: Uh-huh. Wow, this interview is useless. Thanks for nothing, Jordan!

Jordan: No, thank you!

Me: For what, you idiot?

Jordan: (starts shaking rapidly) Uh-Oh! You might want to duck and cover! BOOM! (He blew up!)

Me: I'm hungry.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I had writers' block I hope you liked this chapter. My friends thought that it was hilarious. I almost have 1700 hits! **


	16. Secret Admirers

**A/N: I have so many people to thank. Sorry it took so long to update, I'm lazy.**

**Riddikulus3000: I am so glad that you enjoyed it. Don't worry, you'll get more reviews. **

**grinttastic: Your eyes are probably moist from both. **

**Gerard Way is Hott: I'm so glad that you got to read it. Don't get in trouble for screaming! Oh, and I'm not sure why you're asking me that… But it does seem a little weird… I wouldn't do it, but that's just my opinion.**

**Christipotter: Yeah, he is a poor freak. And I'm not worried about the flames, they didn't really give any good reasons why they don't like my story.**

**RedXIIIlover: Don't worry, I won't stop writing. I don't think that having PCD is a good thing though…**

**SweetDragon: THANK YOU! I tried to make it as funny as I could. Glad you are laughing.**

**ON WITH THE STORY! **

Chapter 16: Secret Admirers

It was another lovely Saturday at Hogwarts. The Congregation of Amigos was eating breakfast.

"Hey Raquel, what's the date?" asked Natalie.

"February 19, 2006. Why do you ask?" said Raquel.

"WOAH! IT'S FEBRUARY 19, 2006? BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" screamed Natalie, causing everyone in the Great Hall to look at them.

"Why do you say that?" asked Raquel.

"We haven't celebrated New Years, the Chinese New Year, my dog's birthday, or even Valentines Day yet! This makes no sense!"

"Natalie, nothing in this story makes sense. Especially not the timing."

"Oh."

Just then, hundreds of owls came flying towards Natalie and Raquel. Each owl dropped several letters in front of them. After the owls had delivered their letters, they all began to attack Harry.

"OW!" screamed Harry. "What the (bleep) is going on?"

After each owl had pecked Harry a few times, they flew off. Jordan blew up. Darn that PCD.

"Who are all those letters from?" asked Ron, who was getting a little jealous because he never got that many letters.

Natalie opened one. It said:

_Dear Natalie,_

_I can deny it no longer. I am madly in love with you. Your hair is like a long silky scarf. Your eyes are like pools of __chocolate syrup. You are the most beautiful creature on the face of this earth. _

_Love, Your SecretAdmirerPersonThingAMajig_

Raquel opened another letter. It was just like the first one, only it was addressed to her. Every single letter was a love letter to either Natalie or Raquel. Each letter looked like it was from a different person, though.

Later that day…

It was lunch time, and the Congregation of Amigos was happily eating lunch. Jordan blew up. Just then, hundreds of owls flew in to deliver more love letters to Natalie and Raquel. Once they dropped off their letters, they attacked Harry.

"OW! I can't believe it! OUCH! Twice in one day! YEOW! What is up with that?" screamed Harry.

That night…

By dinner time, Harry was pretty jumpy. After all, he had been attacked twice that day. The first few minutes of dinner were peaceful, so Harry began to relax. _Maybe the owls wouldn't come again._ He thought.

1 minute after he had this thought, the owls soared in the Great Hall. After they delivered yet another pile of love letters to Natalie and Raquel, they attacked him.

"WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?" Harry screamed after 12 minutes of being pecked unmercifully. The owls had finally stopped.

Natalie turned to Harry. "Um… I sort of put a bunch of owl treats in your pocket this morning. Sorry, Harry," she said, although she wasn't really sorry.

"Why the heck did you do that?" screamed Harry. Jordan blew up.

"Um… I dunno… I was bored."

"AND THAT MAKES IT OKAY?"

"Uhhh…"

Raquel then said, "Oh, and I sort of sprayed your clothes with owl-food-scented perfume."

"WHAT KIND OF IDIOT MAKES A PERFUME LIKE THAT?" screamed Harry.

Ron turned to him and said, "Harry? Seamus, Dean, Neville, and I replaced your shampoo with a liquid that attracts owls."

"Ginny and I put a sign on your back that says, 'OWLS SUCK. IF YOU ARE AN OWL AND FIND THIS OFFENSIVE, FEEL FREE TO ATTACK ME.' Sorry about that," added Hermione.

"You guys too?" Harry asked.

They all nodded. Jordan blew up.

"I thought that we were friends! Why did you do that?" he whimpered.

"Uh… 'Cause we were bored," they said.

Just then, everyone in the Great Hall, even Dumbledore and all of the teachers, turned to Harry and said, "Um… Harry? We might have done something else to make you owl-licious."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH?" cried Harry.

Dumbledore stepped forward with a piece of parchment that was at least 300 feat long and began to read:

"Reason number 1: You complain too much.

Reason number 2: You're a crybaby.

Reason number 3: You smell bad.

Reason number 4: When your godfather died, you destroyed my office."

3 hours later…

"Reason number 6,452: You never brush your hair.

Reason number 6,453: You always-"

"OKAY! I GET IT ALREADY!" screamed Harry. He then ran out of the Great Hall crying like a little girl that had just found out that her kitty 'ran away' when in actuality, a car had run over it. Jordan blew up.

Midnight…

Harry was angry. What had happened was unforgivable. He wanted revenge.

**A/N: How will Harry get his revenge? Why can't I think of any more questions to ask you? Why am I even asking you any questions at all? Find out in Ch. 17! **

**Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! **


	17. Harry's Revenge

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been lazy. Yes, this time, I shamelessly admit it. Oh, I've got an awesome story to tell you guys, but I'll tell you later. March 31 was my BIRTHDAY! I'm 14! YAY!**

**Boandpop: Glad you liked it. Oh, and don't feel sorry for Harry. He deserved it. **

**i love a werewolf: Glad you thought it was funny, and thanks for pointing out that mistake. **

**Eaglebabe45: Thanks for reviewing. Oh, and I have no idea who is hotter. **

**SweetDragon: OH NO! I gave you a laughing problem! I am SO sorry! Lol**

**Kyolover0514: Thanks for reviewing! It's too late to put you in this story, but I'll put you in the next one. **

**EmO-pEaNuT-bUtTeR-cUp****: Thank you SO much! Few people point out the brilliance of that chapter. (cries tears of joy)**

**Christipotter: Thank you so much! I like that chapter too.**

**On with the belated chapter! **

Chapter 17: Harry's Revenge

It was another wonderful day at Fred and George's shop. Business was great, as usual. Suddenly, an owl flew through the open window and dropped a letter into Fred's hands. Fred opened it and read it while George read it over Fred's shoulder. By the time they had finished reading, their mouths were hanging open and their eyes were huge.

Hogwarts

Everyone woke up in a good mood that day, well, except for Harry. But Harry forced a smile through the whole morning and pretended that nothing had happened the day before.

Lunch! Oh yeah.

The Great Hall was filled with laughter and the conversations of students, as usual. Suddenly, the doors to the Great Hall opened and in stepped Fred and George. They were holding their wands out, ready to fight.

"Okay! Who's the punk that has been sending our girlfriends love notes? PREPARE TO DIE!" screamed Fred as they started to attack every guy in the Great Hall.

Everyone screamed and ran around the room, causing massive panic.

"Hey Fred! Toss me a flamethrower!" yelled George, as Fred sliced Draco Malfoy in half with a light saber. Fred tossed the flamethrower to George.

"OH YEAH!" screamed George as he torched Seamus and Dean.

Meanwhile, Natalie and Raquel were sitting at the Gryffindor table, calmly finishing lunch. "It's nice to have boys fighting over us," said Natalie. "I agree," said Raquel.

Later

Fred and George had totally destroyed everything and everyone.

"George!" yelled Natalie as she grabbed his ear.

"Fred!" yelled Raquel as she did the same.

"We are very disappointed in you! At first it was kind of cute, but it got out of hand!" yelled Natalie.

"Now we'll be in big trouble!" finished Raquel.

They hung their heads and said in unison, "We're sorry." Although they really weren't that sorry. That was too much fun.

"How did you even know about the love letters?" asked Natalie.

"Harry told us."


	18. Afterwards

**A/N: I really don't want to write anymore chapters for this story. That's why I'm just going to do an "Afterwards" thing and call it quits. However, because you guys have been so nice, at the end of this thing, I'll give you a preview of my next story, which is also a really funny Harry Potter fic. **

Afterwards

Natalie woke to the sun shining through her bedroom window. Another lovely day! (not sarcastic-believe it or not!) She looked over at her husband, George, and smiled. That's right. They had gotten married, so had Raquel and Fred. They lived next door to each other. Natalie got up and got dressed. They had all gotten married about two years ago. Natalie and Raquel had graduated from Hogwarts 5 years ago. Today was Christmas, and Raquel, Fred, Hermione, Ron, Jordan, and Ginny were all coming over. Ron and Hermione also got married. However, because of Harry's death (Natalie and Raquel killed him at the end of ch.17), Ginny was free to date, and marry, Jordan, who she had liked all along.

Natalie smiled as George woke up and sleepily got dressed.

They all lived happily ever after. (well, except for Ron and Hermione, who Natalie and Raquel killed at this Christmas party thing. Oh, and Jordan finally was sent to a leper colony to live out his days with the lepers, seeing as he was never cured. However, the cure for butt cramps was finally found.)

**A/N: Yeah…Not my best work…but I'll bet you're anxious for that preview! Well, here it is. **

**Ron's Afro**

**Ron had never been happy with his hair. It never really…you know…'described' him. He thought that he needed a hair style that described his personality and who he was. And finally one day, he discovered the afro. **

**Unfortunately, Ron's friends weren't as accepting of his new hair style as he hoped they would be. "JUST GET RID OF IT RON! YOU'RE SCARING US!"**

**Join Ron as he struggles for acceptance of his new hair style, which he thinks really portrays what he thinks and feels and describes the pain and heartache he's suffered through. Will Ron ever be happy? Find out in "Ron's Afro!"**

**COMING SOON**


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